Love You, Mom

This post is intensely personal. Maybe I shouldn’t even share it. But as a writer it feels so wrong to not write about it.

Two weeks ago today, my sister called to say that our mom had passed away. Mom had battled mounting health challenges for a number of years, so I guess in theory our loss shouldn’t be a surprise. Yet it was. It is.

It still is.

I learned so much from Mom. She didn’t teach me how to cook. Or how to keep house. God knows she tried. She was my go-to guru for all things business. She was a trailblazer; a female in middle management in the earliest days of women’s lib. Savvy and instinctual, she had a sixth sense for all things corporate.

She was so smart.

She was my number one fan. When I was going through her papers I found all the manuscripts I’d shared with her, printed out and filed. Dog-eared and loved. She read this blog. She bought multiple copies of my book and sent them to friends all over the world.

She was so much more.

I miss her horribly. I can’t believe how much this hurts. I know the best thing I can do is continue to love my life, value my loved ones. And I will. But I just felt an odd obstacle by not shouting out loud, “I knew this beautiful woman. She’s gone and I’m grieving her.”

My mom is survived by me, my two sisters and our eight children. Her loss is mourned by many relatives and friends from her 76 years of life. We will be gathering for a private memorial over Labor Day weekend. I suspect we will share lots of tears and laughter and our love and appreciation of each other. The best of her will live on through us, but I’m sure I’ll miss her for a lifetime.

Love you, Mom. Rest in peace.

Comments

  1. Sarah TokeleyAugust 11, 2011 at 1:55 PM

    Of course you should share this beautiful post, if that is what you want.

    Thank you so much for this. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm going to call my Mother.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kai Strand, AuthorAugust 11, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    Sarah, just that fact that it inspired you to call your mother makes me so happy I shared.

    Thank you for your kind words.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karen Jones GowenAugust 14, 2011 at 4:38 AM

    Kai, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person. I would love to read more posts about her. Mine died this year at 93, and regardless of health or age, it always hurts to lose one's mother.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kai Strand, AuthorAugust 14, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    Karen,

    What a wonderfully long life you had with your mom. But you are right, nothing prepares you for the finality of it. Thank you for your comment. It's comforting to know you understand the loss. My condolences to you as well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ElleAugust 15, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    I'm sorry for your loss. That is one I haven't had to deal with yet. I hope I manage as well as you seem to be when the time comes. I'm glad you posted. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. MickeyAugust 15, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful mother and I can tell that you loved her very much. She surely knew and felt that from you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kai Strand, AuthorAugust 16, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    Thank you Elle and Mickey. Your words are so affirming and I can't tell you how much I appreciate them.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beverly Stowe McClureAugust 16, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    What a beautiful tribute to your mother. What a beautiful relationship you had with her. Treasure the memories. Yes, they'll always be with you. My mother's been gone since 1988, but some days she's fresh in my mind. Little things she said or did. I treasure those times.
    God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousJuly 28, 2012 at 10:14 AM

    I remember you telling us about Abby's letter the day of her funeral. It sounds like your mother was a wonderful person, as are you. The kindness that she taught you to have is obviously in Abby, and that is something that always helps me feel a little closer to those who have passed away. Take care, Paula.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai Strand, AuthorJuly 28, 2012 at 1:27 PM

      Abby is a mature young lady and enough like me and my mom for me to know she carries on the legacy. Thank you, Jennie.

      Delete
  10. AnonymousJuly 28, 2012 at 8:59 PM

    ah Paula I feel soooo sad for you-- I never knew you lost your mom. I am so close to my own mother and I used to fear her passing away even as a small child I would go into her closet and smell the perfume lingering on her dresses and I would think of how awful I would feel if I ever lost her. Now thirty some years later I still have that fear; and I know that to live we all have to face the inevitable. My husband lost his mom to cancer 17 some years ago and he still misses her of course; the missing never goes away. Yet I still feel the love and the loss go hand in hand; like joy and sadness; we cannot feel the extent of joy without experiencing the well of sadness. I am sure your mom will live on within you and you will be able to contribute your success to the lovely lady who helped you become the wonderful lady you are today. And I am certain she would always want you to keep your pretty smile and to never stop writing! She is smiling down upon you- her love will never leave you. I am convinced of these things. Mother daughter love flourishes forever, like a ripe yellow sunshiny rose, forever in bloom. blessings-- Michelle C

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai Strand, AuthorJuly 28, 2012 at 10:11 PM

      Thanks Michelle. It is as hard as you've thought, but at the same time, it really is a part of life. I'm thankful to have had her for the years we did.

      Delete

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